“Why are you listening to anyone other than yourself?” Jacques asked sternly. “You know the answers.”
Lily had never heard of herself been thrown into the group of ‘they.’ Why was that? she wondered. When did the group of ‘they’ become more important than I?
“I thought I knew the answers Jacques, but when there is so much noise around you, it’s hard to remember, do you know what I mean?”
“No, I think I need you to elaborate more.” He stepped closer to Lily, and stared intimately into her green eyes. The backdrop of the pyramid disappeared behind him and she felt obliged to tell him the truth. The awful statement that deep down she knew was wrong to believe, yet it still very much existed inside of her.
“What about if I have thoughts about not being good enough?” Lily covered her mouth quickly, terrified that she had said too much. She had just let a complete stranger into the darkest parts of her mind. How would he take it?
“It sounds like your problem is actually a disconnect between what is here now, and what you aspire to. There is a missing link between loving yourself as you are now, and allowing your imagination to run wild.” The backdrop of the pyramid came back into vision, and as Jacques said the words run wild, the entire room spun around behind him, as though it was chasing itself.
“Believe me, my imagination runs pretty wild,” she chuckled to herself as the pyramid spinning stopped, thinking of how her current surroundings didn’t really surprise her at all.
“Well of course it does. But has it run as far to the edges as it possibly can? Have you pushed the question of the stars so far that you can’t push them anymore?”
Lily thought about the universe a lot. The stars and the planets fascinated her beyond comprehension. But that was just it. The idea made sense to her more than any other school subject, the thought of infinite possibilities excited her more than a conversation with her fellow peers. But this behavior was considered strange, and so she learned to keep her ideas to herself.
“No,” she replied, upset with her now obvious lack of being true to herself.
“No?” he repeated abruptly.
“No! You are right. I haven’t,” she admitted, hitting the marble counter lightly, dissatisfied with herself.
“Then you are holding short of your dreams, no one else’s. You don’t need to be interested in what other people are interested in. Why can’t you just be yourself?”
Lily rarely gave herself that kind of encouragement. When she was younger she didn’t care what anyone thought, but as she grew into a teenager it became apparent that her thoughts did not match those of her fellow classmates. Her unique ideas drew a lot of unwanted attention. She wondered how different her life would be if they had just accepted her for who she was.
“I guess because I have been told that my thoughts are not normal,” she replied, remembering the hours she had spent at the doctors throughout her childhood.
“Nonsense! You sound perfectly normal to me,” he argued back loudly, kicking out whatever horrid doctor memory she was reliving in her mind. “Your gift is a positive, not a negative. Won’t you just be open to thinking that you are love?”
“I am love?”
“Yes, you are love! If love is present, then nothing bad can come from these ideas.”
“But I thought I am a sick girl.”
“If you keep thinking that you will become one. For what other option does your body have other than to believe that it is so?”
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